Falling Through Dreams
by LittleBlackStarz
Summary: Bobby Goren and Alex Eames have been partners for 5 years, and care about each other deeply. But lately, Alex has been feeling increasingly uneasy about Bobby's independant style of detective work, and she begins to have dreams where she is falling and t


Falling Through Dreams

A/N: I do not own any of the characters in this story. They are expressly owned by Dick Wolf wonderful man that he is and Law and Order Criminal Intent. Thanks!

Life comes through a different spectrum when you're staring down the barrel of a shot gun, pointed precisely at your forehead. Your vision blurs, your mind races then goes blank. You think of everything that you could have done, or maybe should have done, before this awful moment.

Bobby Goren learned long ago not to listen to the voices in his head that raced with panic. Instead, he focused on the matter at hand, remembering what he needed to say to get out of this situation alive.

"It's not your fault, Jerry, it never has been."

Talk to the person calmly, in a low, trusting voice. Pretend there isn't a gun pointed at your head, about to blow your face in. Imagine you're just sitting down for lunch with a good friend, chatting about the latest football game on tv.

Say the person's name, make it as personal as possible. Lord knows we love to be called by our own names, selfish creatures we are. Picture that it's your child in front of you, who you are calmly trying to convince not to join the bad crowd.

When it all comes down to it, you are this person's friend, in a matter of speaking. You are here to save them from this, to give them what is best. Even if the best meant 25 to life in a maximum security prison.

"You don't know anything about me…" Jerry wheezed, his eyes dark and scattered, his forehead damp with sweat.

"I know a lot about you, Jerry. I know how you feel when you see those little girls prancing around the playground. I know that you wish you could be as happy and carefree as they are, because your happy and carefree childhood was taken from you before you even knew you were supposed to have one."

Bobby kept his breathing calm, despite the sudden shock of nervousness that raced into his heart. What if this doesn't work? He didn't have time to think like that.

Jerry smiled weakly then, exasperated. He seemed puzzled, confused, dillusional. Bobby knew that he was getting to him, knew it from the look in his eyes.

"It's not your fault that your father molested you, that your mother needed someone to take care of her while she dealt with her drug habit." He began, his palms resting flatly on his knees. He sat on the edge of the chair, hoping to appear more vulnerable to this man, Jerry, who was convicted of molesting five young girls to date.

Bobby didn't necessarily believe all that he was saying; his own childhood hadn't been a walk through the park either, and when the shit hit the fan it was all about choices. Jerry had made the choice, no matter how fucked up his brain was, to molest those young girls. Now Bobby had to convince him to put down the gun he had pointed at his head.

She closed her eyes and counted back from ten. Her heart was racing as it always did, and she was having trouble concentrating. Her partner was in that room with some lunatic, and God knows what was going on. Alex knew that Bobby was the best person to do this job, that he knew exactly what to say and how to act in order to see that they both got out of that room alive, but it still unnerved her to know he was in there alone.

I should be in there to protect him, she thought anxiously. That's what partners do, they protect each other. But Bobby always insisted that he work alone, without her help. She was there to help with the investigation, but when it came to making the perpetrators confess, Bobby was convinced he was the one for the job.

Alex knew that if she was in there, at gun point or knife point or whatever, she would have a hard time being calm. If all she had was her own words, her own control to fall back on, she wasn't sure how successful she would be. People listened to Bobby when he spoke; he had a way of making sure of that. His voice was so calming, so strong yet gentle. She'd always joked that he could have any woman he wanted, so long as he kept speaking to them in that way he had.

She heard a noise, a rustling, coming from inside the room. Standing alert, she motioned to the armed officers standing beside her to hold back a moment longer. Listening keenly against the door, she heard the characteristic thump of a gun being tossed onto the floor.

"Move in!" She whispered heatedly, shoving the door open and pushing in. She saw Bobby sitting calmly on a chair, and the perp standing with his face in his hands, weeping. She sighed. "Jerry Lawrence, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you."

After the officers had shipped Jerry out of the room, Alex turned to Bobby, her heart still racing. She eyed the rifle lying on the floor nervously. Had that gun been pointed at Bobby? What if it had gone off?

"How are you?" She asked as she kneeled down beside her partner, the expression on her face relieved at seeing him unscathed. He merely smiled at her.

"I'm fine, as always." He replied with a grin. "You don't need to worry about me all the time, I can take care of myself."

She was embarrassed to find herself blushing. "I know…I just worry about you sometimes."

The look in his eyes had the color in her cheeks rising. "I mean, I just feel as though I should be in here to watch your back in case…"

"In case I lose control over a criminal." He finished, his hand reaching over to cup her chin, tilting her face up to his. His dark eyes searched hers, calm yet racing with understanding. They were partners, and partners were like blood. "Why don't we head out? I could use a cup of coffee."

Alex smiled, standing up and holding her hand out for him to take. Even though it was an impractical gesture, it was a kind one. His steady hand fell softly into her petite one, and they walked out of the hotel room together.

Later that evening, Bobby was reviewing the case file on Jerry Lawrence. He sat hunched over at his desk, his head resting on his palm and his eyes scanning from line to line. The lamp light was so bright it was giving him a headache, so he hastily switched it off and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes.

His mind wandered back to the incidents of the day, one in particular which was bothering him. Well, not so much bothering him as it was puzzling him.

He and Alex had been on numerous cases where the incident called for him to go in and interrogate a witness in a non-secure environment alone. And slowly she had seemed to get used to the way he worked, and he was pleased with that. But today, she had seemed extra nervous, increasingly agitated at the idea of him being alone. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew that something was definitely up with his partner.

Lord knew he cared about that woman more than he cared about anyone in the entire world, but she above all people should understand that he could take care of himself. It just wasn't like her to get so uptight about a case this way; she was normally the merciless, cool detective of their pair. Therefore, he couldn't understand this sudden change in attitude.

But maybe it wasn't so sudden, he thought, his eyes opening and his brows furrowing as he considered the idea.

Then again, he never paid all that much attention to how she acted when they were on an investigation. Generally, it was she who based her actions off of his, she who followed his lead. For all he knew, she could have always been this worried about him, but just never shown it to his face like today.

Sighing, he suddenly felt extremely guilty. He should have considered her feelings more on the situation, he realized. Alex should feel involved, not just pushed aside. She should be able to feel secure and safe, even if that meant her being there to protect and watch over him. He told himself then that he would need to stray away from being the individual detective, and embrace his partner.

Standing up, Bobby shuffled through his papers for a moment, then gathered up the file folders which had piled themselves upon his desk. He would have a talk with Alex in the morning, he decided as he prepared himself to step out into the chilly New York city night.

In her sleep she strained against the sheets of her bed, tossing and turning, groping for any support. She was falling off a building, nothing around her to grab a hold of, no one to save her. Except him.

He was watching her from a few feet away, his eyes dark and his face expressionless. She screamed out to him, calling his name, pleading for him to catch her. Instead, he just stood there, seeming not to hear her. He just stared at her, unmoving.

With one last scream she felt herself plummet over the edge of the roof.

She woke with a start, her heart pounding in her chest and her breath coming out in ragged gasps. Clutching the sheets around her, she gathered them close to her chest and felt tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. _Oh, Bobby…_ she thought, her mind racing. _How could you let me fall?_

She didn't move until her breathing had slowed and her heart had calmed, at which time she stood and walked to her bathroom. She splashed cool water on her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were dark and heavy, her hair tousled and disheveled. The expression on her face was weary and exhausted, and one look at the clock sitting on the counter sent her mind reeling. 4:30 am, her alarm would be going off in a half hour.

"Well, no point in going back to sleep." She murmured as she shuffled into her tiny kitchen. Putting on a pot of coffee, she leaned back against the counter and shut her eyes. She could only pray that her nightmares didn't haunt her another night.

"I found something you might find interesting involving the Hudson murder case." Bobby announced as Alex seated herself across from him at her desk.

When she didn't respond, he glanced up from the files he was staring at and noticed her resting her face in her hands.

"You look terrible…what's wrong?" he asked, immediately concerned. When she glanced up, he saw the dark circles under her eyes.

"I had trouble sleeping…it's nothing big." She sighed, smiling weakly. "Why don't you tell me what you discovered with the Hudson case?"

He continued to stare at her for a moment, his dark eyes piercing into hers, searching. What was wrong with her?

"I'm fine Bobby, really." She muttered, trying not to sound annoyed.

Instead of responding, he flipped open a file folder that lay on his desk and shuffled through the papers a moment before removing a single one.

"These are the medical records from the autopsy done on Mrs. Hudson." He pointed at a highlighted passage. "It says here…"

She wasn't paying attention. Her mind had wandered, her eyes watching the features on his face. His delicate eyes, slightly stubbled chin…as he was talking to her, she only heard the sound of his voice and not the words.

Alex felt drugged and dazed. Before her she saw her dream in living color, the man who haunted her every second of every day.

"Eames?"

Startled, she blinked out of her daydream and paled. "I'm sorry…I-"

"You should go home, get some rest." He said with an understanding smile. She loathed him for it.

"No, really, I'm fine…I just need some coffee or something…"

"What you need is some sleep." He concluded. Suddenly, as if on a whim, he reached out and placed the back of his hand gently on her forehead. "What is up with you lately?"

"Nothing." She said, swatting his hand away impatiently. One look at his eyes and she knew he was on to her.

"Eames, I wanted to ask you something…I think now might be the right time."

Surprised, she paused midway into making an excuse to go to the restroom and settled back into her chair. "What is it?"

He reached over and took her hand in his. The gesture was awkward, but he bit back his embarrassment and knew that the only way to keep her eyes on his was if he was firm with her.

"I know how, or rather, I understand how you feel about me being alone with suspects." He began, pausing for a second to gauge her reaction. He saw her mouth part slightly and knew she was gearing up to say something. "No, please…let me finish before you speak."

She nodded slightly, her heart pounding. This was the last thing she needed at this time, she thought bitterly. Especially since the dream was still fresh in her mind, the image of him letting her fall still burned into her memory.

Bobby continued. "I feel…terrible…about what happened the other day, and it made me realize that what I've been forgetting to do is to keep in mind that you're my partner, and partner's are supposed to be there for each other."

"That's…that's definitely true, Bobby – but I think I should really go home and get some rest…" Alex murmured, her mouth dry. "I'll call you later if I feel better."

Without glancing back at him, she shook her hand free from his grasp and hastily fled the station house, feeling a massive headache coming on.

Bobby closed his eyes and felt his muscles melt as the steaming water poured graciously down his bare back. His hands came up to run through his hair, letting the water soothe his aching mind.

The whole business with Alex was really doing a number on his thought patterns. He'd had little to think about that day besides his partner, and knew that he missed out on hours of good investigative work because of it.

But she'd really rattled his emotions that day in ways he'd never experienced before. It seemed as though all of a sudden she was beginning to let everything about their partnership of 5 years bother her, and he didn't like that thought one bit.

And the worst part of it was that he had tried to apologize to her, something he rarely had to do, seeing as they never argued. But when he'd said sorry, she'd gone pale and left in a rush, as though it was the last thing she wanted to discuss.

The whole situation worried him and was slowly but surely driving him insane. He had to know what was wrong with her.

After his shower, Bobby found himself hastily dressing in faded jeans and a long sleeved shirt he'd yanked out of the dryer which was still slightly damp. He switched off a few lights in his apartment and grabbed his house keys before stalking out into the hallway of the building.

He didn't know why he was going there, but he did know that it was necessary. If he didn't see Alex at that moment and clear his mind he knew he'd go crazy before the weekend was over and he was back at work.

Midnight in New York city was something Bobby found he'd always appreciated, both for its mystical value as for its destructive one. He walked the 5 blocks to her apartment, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets and his head held high, his eyes searching the sky. He enjoyed breathing in the night air and wishing he could just disappear into the stars.

When he reached her apartment building he fished around in his pockets for the key Alex had given him a year before. She called it insurance in case something happened and she was trapped in her apartment and unable to move. Since her only family nearby was her sister, Alex had said it would be a smart move to include her best friend and trusted partner.

As he climbed the stairs and reached her door, he knocked lightly, listening for any sounds of movement. When he heard none, he knocked again and listened. Assuming she was asleep, he quietly unlocked the door and pushed it open. He figured that if she was asleep, he could at least check on her and make sure she was alright.

Her apartment was dark. The curtains were closed over the big windows which opened out to a high rise view of the city. Her bedroom was off to the right, and as he stepped quietly around the corner he noticed that the door was open slightly. Through it he saw the faint glow of moonlight.

Entering the room, he saw the bed against the far wall, and a tiny, Alex sized lump under the covers. He was prepared to leave when a movement caught his eye.

She was tossing and turning in her sleep, groaning slightly and seemingly distressed. He rushed to the side of the bed and reached out to stroke a hand against her forehead.

She was shaking and he saw tears falling down her cheeks. His heart was pounding in his chest. He knew it was a dangerous thing to wake someone from a nightmare when it was so physical. She could lash out and hurt herself or him. It was just so difficult to see her suffer.

She was on the roof again, teetering on the edge with nothing to hold on to. Bobby stood before her, staring at her once again. She screamed out to him, clawing at the air, hoping to grab onto something.

Suddenly, she wasn't falling anymore. Now she was standing firmly on the roof. Her feet felt glued to the floor, her legs and arms frozen. She couldn't move her body at all, but could only stare straight ahead of her. What she saw had her heart leaping up into her throat.

Bobby was falling, his arms reaching out to her. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, and this only made her feel more helpless. His lips were parted in a yell as he teetered backwards, his eyes wild with fear. She tried to shut her eyes, tried to scream, but nothing was happening. Nothing except his balance giving out as he plunged over the edge of the roof.

"Bobby!" She cried out breathlessly as she shot awake. There were arms around her, holding her close. She reached out and held on, sobs shaking her. Nothing was comprehensible; all she knew was that Bobby was dead and she'd watched it happen.

Alex heard a voice whispering in her ear, telling her that everything was alright, that it was over. That was when she realized she was awake, that it was a dream.

Startled, she pushed out of his embrace and stared up at him incredulously.

"Bobby, I-"

He shushed her, his hands stroking her forehead gently and the fear in his eyes real. "I came in to check on you…I was worried. I saw that you were having a nightmare so I waited until you woke. You looked so terrified…"

She sighed, settling back against her pillows. "I was."

He smiled then, hoping the rapid beating of his heart would settle down someday. "What happened?"

Alex met his eyes. "I was standing on the edge of a roof, about to fall…you were standing in front of me, but you wouldn't help me. Just before I could fall, suddenly it was switched. It was you who was falling, and it was I who did nothing." Her voice broke and she turned away from him, embarrassed by her own weakness.

Bobby winced at the apparent connection between their recent problems and her dream. He never could have known it was bothering her this much. Was it because she cared about him in a way she hadn't before? He knew that his own feelings had taken a rather different turn a few months before, but he hadn't let it show through.

When he focused on her face, he saw the deep hurt in her eyes and the tears that were slowly drying on her cheeks. Her body was still shaking and she looked so…beautiful. Even with her tousled hair and her weary eyes, he saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever known.

Without thinking, he leaned in close to her, his arms reaching out and wrapping around her small frame. He saw her wariness, saw the sharp defense in her eyes. He also saw the way it disappeared when his mouth met hers.

The kiss was soft, sweet. The tenderness of it surprised her. She saw the hunger in his eyes, thought it to be something feral. But the moment his lips had touched hers, she realized that what was on his mind was so much deeper, so much more important than lust.

She deepened the kiss, her arms winding their way around his neck, encircling his back, running through his hair. She gasped when his mouth traveled down her neck, his tongue teasing her. The heat of his breath sent shivers down her spine.

She tasted like honey, he thought as he explored her mouth. Honey fresh from the hive like what he'd tasted in his childhood. Her skin was smooth, fair. Skin like silk hidden in an ancient chest for no one to see but who she gave the key to.

"Bobby…Bobby what are we doing?" she whispered, her heart pounding in her ears and her vision blurring.

In all honesty, Bobby didn't know. All he knew was that when he'd looked at her, sitting in her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks, he couldn't help but want to reach out, want to help her.

"I-I'm sorry, Alex…I can go, if I've overstepped the boundaries…" he began, backing away from her. The sudden shock in her eyes stopped him.

"No, Bobby, no…don't go." She reached out and pulled him against her. "Please…stay with me so I'll never have that nightmare again."

He felt his lips curve into a smile, and nearly laughed at the sheer amazement of it all. When was it that it had come this far? That he and Alex had suddenly turned their partnership into a deep friendship, and then into a relationship? He had no explanation, but he knew that the last thing he wanted was for it to end. He was in love with her; beautifully, horrifyingly in love with her.

"So I take it you are having no further qualms about our partnership?" he asked her, grinning. When she laughed, he saw the way her face lit up and marveled at how gorgeous her smile was.

"Bobby Goren, I promise you that nothing about what we have together could ever feel wrong to me."

The sun was pouring through the open windows, shining down on Bobby's face. His eyes opened slowly, his breathing still slow and calm from sleep. He felt a weight on his chest, felt a warm body close to his. Alex.

He shifted and gazed down at her sleeping form. Her hair was tousled, her lips slightly parted as she breathed deeply. A smile crept over his face as he watched her, so tiny but the least fragile person he knew.

"I love you." He whispered as quietly as he could, stroking the hairs gently from her face. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. He saw that they were thick with sleep.

"Goodmorning." She smiled at him, her hand reaching out to trail down the side of his face. He took her hand in his and pressed his lips to her palm.

"It's a good thing it's Saturday…I don't think I'd want to go to work if it were Monday."

"Speaking of it being Saturday…how would you like to spend it?" Alex grinned.

"Hmm…" Bobby smiled back, leaning in to tease her lips. "With you, in this room, in this bed…"

"Sounds wonderful."


End file.
